On Being An Integral Function of the Universe

One mode of being I find essential for myself revolves around holding lightly labels, titles, categories. If not fully rejecting them. Calling myself any one thing always feels so off internally. I don’t mean in the imposter syndrome way, like, for example, the "I'm not a real writer” type energy. I can feel that’s not it. I find the discussions around what makes a person a “real” writer or not a complete distraction from what is most meaningful to me: the act of actually writing.

And I often find that anyone who holds gatekeeping and small minded opinions of that sort to be projecting their own limitations, and another person’s limitations can’t be imposed on me (or anyone). They’re irrelevant to me. They’re not mine to keep! And so, whether or not I have that specific label latched onto me, is less interesting and important to me. Life is too short, and life is too long to be concerned with such things.

What I’m talking about when I say calling myself any one thing or even being called any one thing feels off is more in the sense that I am more than that one thing, and more than any one thing, I probably just happen to sometimes do the required actions of that thing. And I’ve expressed before that labels often feel like straightjackets to me, and that’s true! It is so limiting to be seen and defined as a single noun. I like to view myself as simply taking part in a process. And here, I’m thinking of the following R. Buckminster Fuller quote:

“I live on Earth at present, and I don’t know what I am. I know that I am not a category. I am not a thing–a noun. I seem to be a verb, an evolutionary process–an integral function of the universe.”

This, to me, aligns with my current view of my being and pretty much everything, or at least most things, in this world. It’s all fluid, evolving, interconnected. Give me action. Give me process. Give me expansion. Give me transformation! Dynamic, always. Not static. I am not fixed state.

And because we are all part of the “integral function of the universe” I do feel this rich urgency and sense of embracing contribution; Contributing to the grander process of the universe, perhaps, as a conduit in different capacities, some I can’t yet see. But, in this way, it seems nothing is entirely mine, not really, anyway. Not if we’re all part of some grand, ongoing, interconnected process. And that goes for everyone else because we don’t exist in isolation. And that is to say we influence and are influenced by one another. There is opportunity for positive impact everywhere.

I do think that’s why it’s important to give credit where credit is due. Even though we live in a time where we are exposed to a million different influences each day, especially online, there are times when specific things made by specific people reach inside you, make your heart pulse brighter, ignite your mind, electrify your spirit, and make your whole being feel seen. You can’t ignore when something makes you feel things. And even ideas that make you think in different ways are still tethered to some feeling. A thing someone made with the capacity to tap into your emotions is worth noting and sharing, especially if it inspires you, changes you, propels you to take action, or empowers you to exist in a way that is a little more true to you. I think it is actually more honest and true to reality to acknowledge when you’re being impacted by others. That process of life is often hidden, it doesn’t get named and seen. But, it’s so real.

I’m thinking now of my new friend

Rose

, who I met in a breakout room. She gift me a moment where I wasn’t just reminded that I’m part of something grand and miraculous, but she gave me an opportunity to really feel that I’m part of something grand and miraculous. She let me know that on Google, she found and read something small I had written and published on my Substack, over a year ago. And then she told me that what I had written helped her make a decision to join the writing course we were both in. That some stranger in France could come across something I expressed with words and published on the internet, some night, in a frantic panic in my room in San Jose, and could feel inspired to do anything because of it, and the odds that we would ever meet so they could let me know that to my face, is a gorgeous cosmic mind fuck.

To take actions that help promote agency in any person is everything. To share something that might inspire someone to do a thing they want to do, but are unsure if they should, or are scared to try, is to contribute, and really be the process, I think. For me, life is not about the noun, it is about more than what myself, or others label and categorize me as. At present, I don’t know what I am. But, I think it is all about the verb of my being, and getting out of my way, and allowing that being to unfold, so I can maybe, in my own tiny ways, continue being an integral function of this universe.

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Leave me feedback, thoughts, questions, whatever, etc.

These daily posts aren’t polished essays, but an experiment in taking one thing that’s lingering with me and publicly executing on trying to develop and articulate my thinking about it, especially when my thoughts are incomplete.

I think of everything on my entire Substack as something I can come back to and iterate & expand on later, including these posts! So, if anyone leaves a comment that sparks anything for me, I’ll consider exploring it further sometime. Here’s a link to a Google doc. of the above post:

→ Right Here!!←

If you have any specific thoughts that came up for you while reading, feel free to just jump in the doc. and leave comments on those moments, or all over throughout; leave thoughts on whatever you want, and ask questions, or share reactions to specific things. What stands out? What are you curious to know more about?

— Sandra