Sunday Candy Issue #6
Cake & Existential Dread, Something Sentimental, Chamomile
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Cake & Existential Dread
Well, friends. It finally happened.
I recently said goodbye to my 20’s.
I hated it.
Okay, maybe hate isn’t the right word.
It’s just that my birthday always makes me feel sad.
It doesn’t even matter if it’s a great day or not. Every birthday, at some point, I cry.
I anticipated this, but it hit so much harder this time around.
That morning I went to my local rose garden.
It’s one of my favorite places to be alone.
And it’s where I got into meditation for the first time last year when I wasn’t doing okay. I would show up everyday, sit on a bench in front of the fountain and close my eyes.
Maybe this sounds lame, but when I would open them and see the vast blue sky, it felt like the world was smiling back at me. Reminding me that I was going to be okay.
I needed that reminder again.
When I sat down, I looked up at the sky and immediately broke into tears.
Maybe because my 20’s sucked and I’m relieved the bad is mostly behind me.
Maybe because I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for my changes and growth.
Maybe because I’m still grieving the person I could have been then.
Maybe because I’m still struggling to be the person I want to be.
Maybe because this is the most uncertain my life has ever felt and I’m so excited, but some days I feel so confused, alone, and scared.
Maybe because I never imagined I would make it to 30 so it just feels weird.
Maybe because life is really beautiful even when it hurts.
Yes, it was full of cake.
And yes, there was lots of existential dread, too.
Question: For those of you already in your 30’s and beyond, what’s been the best part about leaving your 20’s?
Tell me about all the wonderful good things that come with getting older.
I’m a sentimental sap.
So I love holding onto things like movie ticket stubs, birthday cards, notes and letters, etc.
I don’t know if I should share any of these things with you.
They won’t mean anything to you the way they do to me.
But today, I’ll share anyway.
Maybe this will make you think, smile or laugh the way I do when I look back on stuff like this.
Here’s a short letter a friend wrote me back in high school.
Damn. There is so much I could say about this.
It’s that last paragraph that really gets me, though.
Like, it’s so pure and honest. I’ve reread it so many times.
At the time, I was two years younger so I couldn’t yet understand that weird feeling he was referring to.
“I’ll be able to do whatever I want.
Though I probably won’t truly realize it until the day after graduation.”
It seems to take a lot longer than that to truly realize this, huh?
That’s all for this week’s issue of Sunday Candy!
Thanks for reading, friends.
Until next week.
P.S. What did you think of this week’s issue? Leave a comment to let me know what you liked, what resonated, or just take a second to say hi!