"Sometimes a solitary ease & comfort can quickly lead to a dance around the edges of self-isolation." Love this stream of consciousness and reflection, Sandra. I've experienced this and learned that I have to push myself to seek moments of company.
...i mean are you telling me that all these years trying to build a tiny diorama i would be able to shrink and live inside of in the year 2044 is purely a pipe dream!...and more specifically my other pipe dream to expand my diorama to include pipe slides for a personal water park is all for naught!...how am I going to ride a hamster like a bronco if not for this daydream!...
Was literally listening to a podcast this morning (in public, out in the park... though with a friend painting together and maybe that's the non-lonely part of it?) and it's an episode from Beautiful/Anonymous called "Secret Internet Relationship" about how this guy just lived in his own internet world and kinda forgot that people IRL exist and the host of the podcast lost it a lil bit with the dude being like PEOPLE ARE REAL THEY ARE OUT THERE. and yeah I do feel like it's so comfortable to live in my own lil private world but that it doesn't always have to be this way / shouldn't be this way too.
also - "how many of those heads floating above blue light screens around me were in an undercurrent of loneliness" MMMMMH chef's kiss for wording
The typewriting had such a cozy human touch to it and your musings were equally beautiful. A while ago I encountered in a philosophy book the idea of everyone's existence and ability to connect with others is like speaking a language that we can never be fully sure that anyone else truly understands. e.g., The idea that the very words that I'm typing now convey an infinitely specific meaning for me and that I can only hope carries that specificity onward when another reads it. As I read your musings about what living might be like for the lonely, I was reminded of this, and it helped me feel a bit more curious about these kinds of people rather than a feeling that leaned a bit more sad.
I know it was one by Julian Baggini! I can't remember if it was Do You Think What You Think You Think? or The Pig That Wants to Be Eaten: 100 Experiments for the Armchair Philosopher
<3 to this typewriting and all the little text quirks that come with using a typewriter.
Sometimes my only daily social interaction is this non-interaction at the coffee shop lol. I like working in the chatter, it allows me to be among people without the energy expenditure.
A lot of those quirks are because I had the typewriter on my lap and it was so wobbly lol
I love those lil quirks too though, they're so expressive!
"non-interaction" hahaha I do relate to what you're saying about energy expenditure! Coffee shops are truly so important in that way. I need more close to me by foot.
Do you find that your level of focus & productivity changes for the better or worse or stays the same working there? I find that it varies depending on what I'm doing, but I always get what I need by being there, if that makes sense.
Oh yes, that makes sense. I do my best "production" work at a coffee shop -- things that don't require *too* much thought because I need to leave space to people watch and eavesdrop, you know?
I recently came across again with the "neologism" (or made-up word) of Sonder, which definition is: "The profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passing in the street, has a life as complex as one's own, which they are constantly living despite one's personal lack of awareness of it."
I view your essay as an amazing free-flowing, deep-dive on it with an emphasis on loneliness, which is sad when the person is trying to reach out and not connecting, but ok when it is wanted and more like enjoyed solitude. Don't have answers as to how to remedy the former, but definitely think, like you, that writing about it and articulating it will help, as would reaching out uncomfortably when there's a want in decreasing that loneliness.
Loved both all the imperfections in the execution of writing, making it more human, and also the stream of consciousness style, your thinking out quietly really streams and flows very well!
I don't get lost in those realms often, but more than a distraction I think it's like meditation, because it gets you out of YOUR head, which is great :)
“…It’s a kind of space that offers you to be on your own but not alone; it’s on the threshold of solitude and connectedness, an easy way to bridge the gap…”
I’m curious to check out the local cafe near work at coffee hour today to see how many people are alone, on their phones, taking a break for a $7 hot bean juice. I’m inspired to strike up a conversation with a stranger now, and ask why they visit this coffee shop, what kind of laboring they’re temporarily escaping from, and why they’re spending their precious minutes away from their isolating desk with big screens to continue to be isolated on a tiny screen… but I’m too scared lol. I feel like no matter the cafe, people in the morning and at coffee hour are always giving ‘fuck off’ vibes. It’s like they just want to get in, get their fix, and leave as fast as possible. Avoid eye contact. It’s almost like a gas station, but for people. And I wish it was different. I’d like to talk to people that I don’t work with. But again, scared 😬
Do you strike up conversations with strangers at your local coffee shop?
Me and my husband often hit up a cafe by our apartment to write, but they blast really loud music. It’s hard to hear each other, let alone other people, or even ourselves thinking. They’re usually filled with college kids studying or hanging out in groups. Either way, more fuck off vibes.
But a new dog cafe opened up by my apartment and there’s a whole dog section. The dogs are the ice breaker for the humans. The discussion is usually limited to dogs, but it’s a better vibe than the laboring watering hole. Maybe the step to more connection at cafes is through dogs. We need more dog cafes.
Hot bean juice!!! I like my bean juice cold. Those are a lot of big questions to ask a complete stranger 😅 A simple "hi" goes a long way too. But I'm here for Liz striking up more conversations with strangers in any context. :)
You make a good point about time of day--although I'm unsure about what coffee hour is? Does that refer to a specific time? All day is my coffee hour at this point. But if it's like a morning work rush, I can see why people feel less approachable. I always felt dead on the inside before work [&during&after&always] so I just assume that's what every person with a job feels lol I would think people there have less fuck off vibes on the weekend though? Or is it the same?
In that context, I'm not really proactive in striking up conversation, but I am in general proactive about greeting/acknowledging people. They do often play loud music at the one I always go to, and people alone are either pretending to work or with headphones on or with someone else and in the middle of a conversation. But while I was sitting at a communal table the other day, two people sitting in front of me ended up chatting very briefly and immediately exchanging numbers, so people are open to it!
I would love to hear about your ideal coffee shop set up, or is it what you just described with the dogs? lol I've never seen a dog cafe! I know cat ones exist. I think dog discussions are great. This sounds like an excellent vibe. I'm all for more dog cafes or more cafes in general without fuck off vibes for your sake.
Nicely written. Fully agree that online communities are both a blessing and a curse. Nothing, and I really mean nothing, compares to just spending time with people IRL.
This describes the one thing I appreciate about having to travel a lot for work, the opportunity to just be with and around people without the active need to attend to particular relationships or human concerns.
Oh wow! That's an interesting point around traveling for work, I wouldn't have thought of that as a benefit for some. But that's also a good way of putting it in regard to human concerns---"the active need to attend to"
That's definitely part of why I find solace in solitude.
My kids are spaced far apart, so after 30 years of parenting, having a pause on the active need for me to "attend" is a very relaxing experience. Traveling is like getting to have the company of the family of humanity without the tension of feeling responsible for its maintenance.
30 years? My goodness--you're a pro! I can only imagine, Rick! Always interesting to hear the point of view of parents as I don't know this experience firsthand, and yet, in other ways, there are parts of me that do deeply resonate with what you're saying in regard to the tension around the responsibility for its maintenance. I appreciate you sharing that :)
"Sometimes a solitary ease & comfort can quickly lead to a dance around the edges of self-isolation." Love this stream of consciousness and reflection, Sandra. I've experienced this and learned that I have to push myself to seek moments of company.
Thank you for reading, Catalina!
So interesting when I hear from others who share this sentiment that I wouldn't expect?
It's worth the push :)
...i mean are you telling me that all these years trying to build a tiny diorama i would be able to shrink and live inside of in the year 2044 is purely a pipe dream!...and more specifically my other pipe dream to expand my diorama to include pipe slides for a personal water park is all for naught!...how am I going to ride a hamster like a bronco if not for this daydream!...
hahaha
it is never for naught!!
If you figure out how to ride a hamster like a bronco, please let me know!
I think you need to write a newsletter issue on this, as a response
Was literally listening to a podcast this morning (in public, out in the park... though with a friend painting together and maybe that's the non-lonely part of it?) and it's an episode from Beautiful/Anonymous called "Secret Internet Relationship" about how this guy just lived in his own internet world and kinda forgot that people IRL exist and the host of the podcast lost it a lil bit with the dude being like PEOPLE ARE REAL THEY ARE OUT THERE. and yeah I do feel like it's so comfortable to live in my own lil private world but that it doesn't always have to be this way / shouldn't be this way too.
also - "how many of those heads floating above blue light screens around me were in an undercurrent of loneliness" MMMMMH chef's kiss for wording
[I would like to be out in the park painting with you guys]
This!!! This is on my mind often. It's probably way more common than it sounds. Especially given the pandemmy and VR.
<3
Love the typewriter vibe! Takes me back to middle school, typing my papers on my Mom’s old typewriter.
omg Randy...you used a typewriter in middle school?! Amazing. Was it one of those electric ones?
Yeah. It looked something like this.
https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FIBM_Selectric&psig=AOvVaw0qIvB2aMgi1LHcZ_M7g7N9&ust=1696500050566000&source=images&cd=vfe&opi=89978449&ved=0CBAQjRxqFwoTCKiq7aiR3IEDFQAAAAAdAAAAABAG
The typewriting had such a cozy human touch to it and your musings were equally beautiful. A while ago I encountered in a philosophy book the idea of everyone's existence and ability to connect with others is like speaking a language that we can never be fully sure that anyone else truly understands. e.g., The idea that the very words that I'm typing now convey an infinitely specific meaning for me and that I can only hope carries that specificity onward when another reads it. As I read your musings about what living might be like for the lonely, I was reminded of this, and it helped me feel a bit more curious about these kinds of people rather than a feeling that leaned a bit more sad.
Ooooh--wouldn't have expected to hear cozy human touch with the typewriter!! I'm glad I left all my mistakes.
I love how you leaned into curiosity with this! Do you by any chance remember the name of that book? Very interested!!
:)
I know it was one by Julian Baggini! I can't remember if it was Do You Think What You Think You Think? or The Pig That Wants to Be Eaten: 100 Experiments for the Armchair Philosopher
Amazing!! Thank you for letting me know! Taking note to check them out later :)
Beautifully written, was nice to be brought along for that meandering. Very relatable!
Yay Jonas. Thank you for coming along for the meandering!
<3 to this typewriting and all the little text quirks that come with using a typewriter.
Sometimes my only daily social interaction is this non-interaction at the coffee shop lol. I like working in the chatter, it allows me to be among people without the energy expenditure.
A lot of those quirks are because I had the typewriter on my lap and it was so wobbly lol
I love those lil quirks too though, they're so expressive!
"non-interaction" hahaha I do relate to what you're saying about energy expenditure! Coffee shops are truly so important in that way. I need more close to me by foot.
Do you find that your level of focus & productivity changes for the better or worse or stays the same working there? I find that it varies depending on what I'm doing, but I always get what I need by being there, if that makes sense.
Oh yes, that makes sense. I do my best "production" work at a coffee shop -- things that don't require *too* much thought because I need to leave space to people watch and eavesdrop, you know?
I recently came across again with the "neologism" (or made-up word) of Sonder, which definition is: "The profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passing in the street, has a life as complex as one's own, which they are constantly living despite one's personal lack of awareness of it."
I view your essay as an amazing free-flowing, deep-dive on it with an emphasis on loneliness, which is sad when the person is trying to reach out and not connecting, but ok when it is wanted and more like enjoyed solitude. Don't have answers as to how to remedy the former, but definitely think, like you, that writing about it and articulating it will help, as would reaching out uncomfortably when there's a want in decreasing that loneliness.
Loved both all the imperfections in the execution of writing, making it more human, and also the stream of consciousness style, your thinking out quietly really streams and flows very well!
Sonder! Yup---sondering feels at the core of my essence.
Do you ever get deeply lost in thought while thinking about the lives of strangers?
Sometimes it feels like a big long distraction. Or maybe it's disassociation. I don't know 😅
Much like you, I have no answers either! Sometimes one never really knows when another is attempting to reach out or wanting to.
I don't get lost in those realms often, but more than a distraction I think it's like meditation, because it gets you out of YOUR head, which is great :)
“…It’s a kind of space that offers you to be on your own but not alone; it’s on the threshold of solitude and connectedness, an easy way to bridge the gap…”
I’m curious to check out the local cafe near work at coffee hour today to see how many people are alone, on their phones, taking a break for a $7 hot bean juice. I’m inspired to strike up a conversation with a stranger now, and ask why they visit this coffee shop, what kind of laboring they’re temporarily escaping from, and why they’re spending their precious minutes away from their isolating desk with big screens to continue to be isolated on a tiny screen… but I’m too scared lol. I feel like no matter the cafe, people in the morning and at coffee hour are always giving ‘fuck off’ vibes. It’s like they just want to get in, get their fix, and leave as fast as possible. Avoid eye contact. It’s almost like a gas station, but for people. And I wish it was different. I’d like to talk to people that I don’t work with. But again, scared 😬
Do you strike up conversations with strangers at your local coffee shop?
Me and my husband often hit up a cafe by our apartment to write, but they blast really loud music. It’s hard to hear each other, let alone other people, or even ourselves thinking. They’re usually filled with college kids studying or hanging out in groups. Either way, more fuck off vibes.
But a new dog cafe opened up by my apartment and there’s a whole dog section. The dogs are the ice breaker for the humans. The discussion is usually limited to dogs, but it’s a better vibe than the laboring watering hole. Maybe the step to more connection at cafes is through dogs. We need more dog cafes.
Hot bean juice!!! I like my bean juice cold. Those are a lot of big questions to ask a complete stranger 😅 A simple "hi" goes a long way too. But I'm here for Liz striking up more conversations with strangers in any context. :)
You make a good point about time of day--although I'm unsure about what coffee hour is? Does that refer to a specific time? All day is my coffee hour at this point. But if it's like a morning work rush, I can see why people feel less approachable. I always felt dead on the inside before work [&during&after&always] so I just assume that's what every person with a job feels lol I would think people there have less fuck off vibes on the weekend though? Or is it the same?
In that context, I'm not really proactive in striking up conversation, but I am in general proactive about greeting/acknowledging people. They do often play loud music at the one I always go to, and people alone are either pretending to work or with headphones on or with someone else and in the middle of a conversation. But while I was sitting at a communal table the other day, two people sitting in front of me ended up chatting very briefly and immediately exchanging numbers, so people are open to it!
I would love to hear about your ideal coffee shop set up, or is it what you just described with the dogs? lol I've never seen a dog cafe! I know cat ones exist. I think dog discussions are great. This sounds like an excellent vibe. I'm all for more dog cafes or more cafes in general without fuck off vibes for your sake.
Nicely written. Fully agree that online communities are both a blessing and a curse. Nothing, and I really mean nothing, compares to just spending time with people IRL.
Such different experiences! The warmth and essence of one's physical presence cannot be replicated by pixels....(yet?)
Beautifully said, Sandra. A great call to not miss what’s right in front of us ❤️
It's certainly worth the effort to try not to!
https://youtu.be/9EqMmGlTc_w?feature=shared
Ooooh yesssss good pick
This describes the one thing I appreciate about having to travel a lot for work, the opportunity to just be with and around people without the active need to attend to particular relationships or human concerns.
Oh wow! That's an interesting point around traveling for work, I wouldn't have thought of that as a benefit for some. But that's also a good way of putting it in regard to human concerns---"the active need to attend to"
That's definitely part of why I find solace in solitude.
My kids are spaced far apart, so after 30 years of parenting, having a pause on the active need for me to "attend" is a very relaxing experience. Traveling is like getting to have the company of the family of humanity without the tension of feeling responsible for its maintenance.
30 years? My goodness--you're a pro! I can only imagine, Rick! Always interesting to hear the point of view of parents as I don't know this experience firsthand, and yet, in other ways, there are parts of me that do deeply resonate with what you're saying in regard to the tension around the responsibility for its maintenance. I appreciate you sharing that :)
Beautiful meandering. Love the typewriter font! :) (or is it a photo of an actually typewritten page?)
Thank you, Silvio<3
Those imperfections are straight from my typewriter. :)