The other day, I explained to my friend that I sometimes do this thing in conversations where I imagine the person sitting across from me as a child. One moment, that friend, family member, or stranger, talking to me is an adult, the next, they’re small and fragile.
I love this line so much, Sandra. This is an awesome reflection on the paradox of self expression. One thing I learned this year was that it's so easy to box people into a label or category upon a single judgment, which is just silly, but it's human. Thanks for sharing this!
Sandra, exquisite reflection you shared with us. A deep thank you. It makes me wonder about the role of ego in all of this. The ego doesn’t like to be uncomfortable. It likes to be in control. It likes to be right. Being able to express yourself the way you describe and to offer yourself to another in a deeply empathetic way, could be a sign that your ego isn’t running the show and is appropriately “in check”. Sometimes I’m not sure if we’re taught or conditioned to hold it all in as a child (I wasn’t, thankfully because of my mom) but the ego develops and forms as we emerge out of childhood and into adulthood, and not allowing the ego to dominate or react when triggered takes great awareness and practice.
Just thought I would share that since it came up for me.
Thank you again for offering us this lovely reflection.
I wish it wasn’t so hard to be seen and accepted fully by others. I don’t like how we keep emotions in when we interact with someone new. I wonder if it’s because we’re conditioned from a very young age to hold it all in? And any feeling that slips through the crack - whether it’s always sad, happy, angry - enough times determines how we’re perceived by others? Why are we judged for that? Why are we made to feel like we’re the only ones with feelings? Like we’re isolated in feeling emotions, instead of learning how to express them with others? We’re taught that feeling feelings are wrong. And that is sooooo so so wrong. 🚫
But I like how you visualize others as their child selves. I want that super power.
I admit my throat choked when you mentioned that, just found it profoundly beautiful. Now knowing more about it, I also find it fascinating. Were you born with a deeper sense of empathy?
Although I understand the pain and complications of it, glad to see you embrace it. It's a great step, in the right direction! Actually yesterday, I was listening to the new conversation on the Waking Up app (😉) about poise and compassion, and she says that the only true thing is that the principal beneficiary of metta (loving kindness) efforts is oneself, and Sam Harris says that the opposite is true: also the principal person affected by anger and hatred is oneself. So again, what you naturally do, must come back positively back to you!
As for being seen as a whole, you know I'm with you on this, and think you're right on-point: we're dynamic, and will be seen differently each time, especially online, where there's little space for nuance and first impressions matter too much. We're learning what and when we want to show up, and for now, identifying it is great. We'll get better at it ;)
Also, needless to say, I do see many sides of you for sure, thank you for opening up yet another one.
Hope you do get to see the DARK and DANGEROUS sides of me 😈 😂
It's so easy to reduce other people to one aspect that I know them from that when I learn about more parts of them, I get a bit scatterbrained... Because I am also multifaceted and somehow I always forget that we all really are. This piece illustrates that feeling well.
I've also had this happen spontaneously before, seeing what the adult person must have been like as a small child, but I've never talked about it. It usually gets me connected with the me who was a small child too, and it's never been anything but useful.
...wonderful as always...and contrast to the thoughts laid out so thoughtfully in paragraph #5 i don't think you are wrong...i'd say you are totally righteous...when i talk to people they often turn into fraggles and i'm permanently afraid we'll become puppets and start gardening while singing...thanks for sharing this openess...
"And to me, labels feel like straitjackets."
I love this line so much, Sandra. This is an awesome reflection on the paradox of self expression. One thing I learned this year was that it's so easy to box people into a label or category upon a single judgment, which is just silly, but it's human. Thanks for sharing this!
Sandra, exquisite reflection you shared with us. A deep thank you. It makes me wonder about the role of ego in all of this. The ego doesn’t like to be uncomfortable. It likes to be in control. It likes to be right. Being able to express yourself the way you describe and to offer yourself to another in a deeply empathetic way, could be a sign that your ego isn’t running the show and is appropriately “in check”. Sometimes I’m not sure if we’re taught or conditioned to hold it all in as a child (I wasn’t, thankfully because of my mom) but the ego develops and forms as we emerge out of childhood and into adulthood, and not allowing the ego to dominate or react when triggered takes great awareness and practice.
Just thought I would share that since it came up for me.
Thank you again for offering us this lovely reflection.
Being seen is being vulnerable. Excellent piece.
I wish it wasn’t so hard to be seen and accepted fully by others. I don’t like how we keep emotions in when we interact with someone new. I wonder if it’s because we’re conditioned from a very young age to hold it all in? And any feeling that slips through the crack - whether it’s always sad, happy, angry - enough times determines how we’re perceived by others? Why are we judged for that? Why are we made to feel like we’re the only ones with feelings? Like we’re isolated in feeling emotions, instead of learning how to express them with others? We’re taught that feeling feelings are wrong. And that is sooooo so so wrong. 🚫
But I like how you visualize others as their child selves. I want that super power.
Please keep being dynamic and tender! 👁️ C 🫵 💙
I admit my throat choked when you mentioned that, just found it profoundly beautiful. Now knowing more about it, I also find it fascinating. Were you born with a deeper sense of empathy?
Although I understand the pain and complications of it, glad to see you embrace it. It's a great step, in the right direction! Actually yesterday, I was listening to the new conversation on the Waking Up app (😉) about poise and compassion, and she says that the only true thing is that the principal beneficiary of metta (loving kindness) efforts is oneself, and Sam Harris says that the opposite is true: also the principal person affected by anger and hatred is oneself. So again, what you naturally do, must come back positively back to you!
As for being seen as a whole, you know I'm with you on this, and think you're right on-point: we're dynamic, and will be seen differently each time, especially online, where there's little space for nuance and first impressions matter too much. We're learning what and when we want to show up, and for now, identifying it is great. We'll get better at it ;)
Also, needless to say, I do see many sides of you for sure, thank you for opening up yet another one.
Hope you do get to see the DARK and DANGEROUS sides of me 😈 😂
It's so easy to reduce other people to one aspect that I know them from that when I learn about more parts of them, I get a bit scatterbrained... Because I am also multifaceted and somehow I always forget that we all really are. This piece illustrates that feeling well.
Must be easy with me then 😂
I've also had this happen spontaneously before, seeing what the adult person must have been like as a small child, but I've never talked about it. It usually gets me connected with the me who was a small child too, and it's never been anything but useful.
...wonderful as always...and contrast to the thoughts laid out so thoughtfully in paragraph #5 i don't think you are wrong...i'd say you are totally righteous...when i talk to people they often turn into fraggles and i'm permanently afraid we'll become puppets and start gardening while singing...thanks for sharing this openess...